Finding Me

It's been a while since I've been able to blog, mainly due to dial up at home and aging computer, however those 2 things have been upgraded! YAY! I now have light high speed and bought a new laptop. I'm using and liking the cloud- refering to windows 7 and the "to the cloud" commercials. Recently I haven't been myself so to say. My mind is all over the place and not in a very manageable way. I'm stressed, unhappy/depressed, and have anxeity up the wazooo. I haven't always been the miss popular social butterfly and mary friggin sunshine but I haven't felt this outta control either. So I've decided that I'm going to start doing things that I miss doing, or that I think would help me de-stress. Writing blog entries is one thing, getting back to doing something musical-I think I'm going to re-teach myself to play guitar, I used to take lessons when I was 11. I'm also going to seek out professional help, whether that leads to meds or a councellor or both. And I also plan on doing some kind of exercise plan-I had started this eating healthy and exercise plan earlier however injury had me benched for the last couple of weeks, hopefully I can get back on track now. Tonight I went to a 50th birthday party for a family friend, who used to be my babysitter. Sitting at the table with my parents I had a bit of a holy friggin crap I'm getting old moment. I can remember 20 yrs ago! 20 yrs ago we had this person's 30th getting old party at my parents house. It was just my parents, the family friends and her better half and all us kids. Not a big party but still- 20 yrs ago us "kids" made up a play/skit for the birthday girl. My parents claimed they vidoe taped the skit- they want to find it...lol...I hope it stays lost. With my 29th birthday a month away...the fact that I can remember back 20 yrs freaks me out a wee bit. I'm turning an age where I can actually remember celebrating when my mom was turning the same age. I do not feel 29, if there's really a feeling attached to any age. I do think my mental unease has somewhat to do with the fact that though I'm turning 29 -30 in a year and a month- my life is nothing what I've imagined, planned or wanted for myself. I need to find ways to get me to a place where I'm not just content with my life but happy.